Happiness and Parenthood

Lately the topic of parenthood and happiness keeps popping up. It started a few months back with the article in NY Magazine* and has been written about on various blogs I read. I think that's the main reason I've avoided the subject, because I'd read so many other people's opinions on it, but it came up again this past weekend so I figured why not? Besides, in every blog post and article I've read, I haven't seen anything from my specific viewpoint.

This past week was a stressful one for Dan at work. He had a project he was working on all week and some of it extended into his weekend. As a result, all he wanted to do this weekend was "relax." Dan's definition of a relaxing weekend involves little more than the computer, the couch and football. However, with an almost 3 year old (who is very much in a Daddy's girl phase) and a very pregnant wife, relaxing in front of the tv all weekend is an impossible feat. Thankfully, he's a wonderful husband and father and he gets the impossibility, but weekends like this one make him nostalgic for the relaxing days before children. Ultimately, I think he'd tell you he was "happier" as a parent, but certainly more stressed. (I'd like to note that this tends to be the general thought of most people I've read about.)

The other main reason I've never written about the subject is that the idea baffles me. I cannot relate to the idea of being happier before children at all. Even though he's my husband and I live with Dan's view, I don't even really get his argument.

I have lived most of my life in fast forward. When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college. When I was in college, I wanted to be out in the world making money and being my own person. When I graduated, I wanted to be married and own a house. And so on, and so on. Then, I became a mom and my fast forward mindset began to slow down. However, it wasn't until I moved to Raleigh and became the stay-at-home mom I'd always seen myself as, that I finally stopped looking forward to the next stage in life and just enjoyed where I was. I felt like I could finally start living my life and not just wishing for what was next. I'm not saying I wasn't "happy" before, but as silly as it sounds my life was complete. Or I should say "is complete."

It's funny, Dan and I often have the conversation about our college years. Dan and a lot of our friends, often said they'd pay a lot of money to return to their college years, and to just live life without stress and responsibilities. Me? You'd have to offer me a large sum of money to go backwards in life. Even then, I don't think I'd trade. Yes, I have more stress and responsibility now. Yes, I'm a lot more tired. But I consider those things as just part of the package. It's what parenthood is, and I never expected anything different.

Just think, I feel this way with just one child. Now, I'll soon have two! Everyone always talks about how surprised they were to find that they could love their second child just as fully as their first. For me, I expect nothing less.

So, does parenthood make me happier? Absolutely.


*I think that's where it was originally. The article asked the question of whether people without children were "happier" than those with children.